


5 Times It Doesn't Mean Anything and 1 Time It Does

by angelsfalling16



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: 5+1 Things, Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blow Jobs, Face-Fucking, Fluff, Hair-pulling, I'll update the tags with each chapter, M/M, One Night Stands, Pining, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Rimming, SnowBaz, Snowed In, That become more, if you count baz pining as a plot, lol, there's a little plot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-16
Updated: 2020-06-11
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:48:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24216184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelsfalling16/pseuds/angelsfalling16
Summary: What starts out as a one-night stand becomes an awkward weekend snowed in together as Simon and Baz deny their feelings for each other while getting each other off at every opportunity.
Relationships: Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Comments: 29
Kudos: 180





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This could be seen as a rewrite of sorts of [Warm Drinks and Snow](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23638864) but it's also it's own story.
> 
> Thank you so much @wo2ash for beta-reading!! :)

**Baz**

I stayed away from Simon for months before I finally made a move, and really, no one can fault me for caving. He’s good looking, funny, and far too selfless for his own good.

And he’s everywhere.

In my classes, sitting in my favorite seat in the student union, fixing my order in the coffee shop.

Everywhere I turn, there he is, looking so cute that I forget what I’m saying in the middle of a sentence and completely forget how to function for a full minute if he deigns to smile at me.

He’s been ruining my life since the first day I saw him, and I should be complaining, but I’m not.

He consumes my thoughts all day and night, distracting me from school, but I haven’t done anything to stop him because I’ve fallen head over heels for him, and a stupid, hopeless part of me thinks that there is some semblance of a chance for us, which is why earlier today, I finally got up the nerve to ask him to my place for a night that I will never forget.

I’ve seen him watching me, and I know that it’s likely just a physical thing for him, but I can roll with that. He doesn’t have to know that I have feelings for him. This doesn’t have to mean anything. And it’s just one night.

What’s the worst that could happen?

I keep telling myself that nothing bad can happen, even as I pace back and forth in my living room, fidgeting with my shirt, which I have changed three times since coming home, as I wait for Simon to arrive. If he didn’t want this, he wouldn’t have agreed to come over.

Simon wants to be with me in some way, and that is what matters. I just need to forget about the fact that I like him for a couple of hours, and this will all be fine.

I will get one wonderful night with him, and then we can go back to being acquaintances – or whatever it is that we are. He never even has to know that I dream of going to bed with him every night and waking up in the morning to have breakfast with him and asking him how he slept. He doesn’t need to know that I am some sap who dreams of a cute domestic life with a guy who only notices me for my looks. He just needs to know that I want him in my bed.

I stop in my pacing to take a deep breath and try to settle some of my nerves. It won’t do me any good to be lost for air before he even knocks on the door. I need to save my energy for when he gets here. (I’ll need it.)

I force myself to grab one of my for-leisure books and sit down in the armchair, attempting to focus on something other than Simon for a bit. I manage to make it a few minutes before my thoughts start to stray to him again. I have to reread the same sentence five times before I shut the book in frustration, tossing it on the coffee table.

I’m plucking at the sleeve of my button-up, beginning to wonder if maybe I’m too dressed up for a casual hook-up, when there is finally a knock at the door.

Simon is here.

My heart jumps up into my throat, and I have to wipe my palms on my too-tight jeans as I walk to the door. I don’t think I’ve ever been this nervous before sleeping with a guy.

I open the door to find Simon standing there in his coffee shop uniform and fight a smile at the thought that he must have come here straight from work. Maybe he is as eager as I am for tonight.

“Hey,” he says, smiling that heart-stopping smile at me.

“Hi,” I reply, stepping back and waving him in. “How was work?”

I don’t know why I’m making small talk. It’s probably just the nerves.

“Slow,” he says, shrugging off his coat. “No one likes to go out in this weather. The snow is too cold for most.”

“But not for you?” I ask, raising a brow at him as I take his coat and turn to hang it up on the hook by the door.

“I guess people just need the right thing to motivate them.”

I turn back to him, and he has moved closer to me.

Fuck. No one should have the right to be that beautiful.

“So, what exactly did you have in mind for tonight?”

“Why don’t I show you?” I reply, placing my hands on his hips and dragging him closer.

His eyes light up as I lean forward to kiss him.

For one brief moment, I worry that I’m making a mistake, that he doesn’t really want this, but then I feel his arms wrap around my waist, and when our lips meet, he kisses me back eagerly

I mean for the kiss to start out soft, but as soon as I feel his tongue brush against the seam of my lips, I lose control. I open my mouth to him, and the slide of his tongue against mine is marvelous. He tastes like something sweet and minty, something I could eat.

I delve my tongue deeper into his mouth, chasing that taste, wanting more of it, more of him.

I’m disappointed when he pulls his tongue away, but then he drags my bottom lip into his mouth, sucking on it and dragging his teeth over it, leaving me gasping and panting, my fingers digging into his hips.

I thought that I was in control here, but that is slowly slipping away.

As I work to get air in my lungs, I open my eyes to find him already watching me, and his eyes are dilated and wild, a sliver of blue ringing his pupils. He’s beautiful.

Losing a little bit more of control, I walk him backward until his back hits the door, and then I kiss him again.

This time as we kiss, I allow my hands to wander, one of them pushing up under the hem of his t-shirt, sliding up through his happy trail and continuing up until my hand covers the place where his heart is beating quickly in his chest.

As he pants into my mouth, his teeth scraping over my tongue, my other hand slides around and dips into his back pocket. His arse feels perfect, round and full in my hand, and when I squeeze lightly, Simon moans into my mouth, a wonderful sound that goes straight to my cock, where it is constricted uncomfortably in my jeans.

I press harder against Simon, pushing one of my legs between his.

“Fuck,” I gasp, as my cock rubs against his, separated from each other by the thin material of our clothes.

Excitement and desire coursing through both of us, Simon pushes one hand up into my hair and grabs a fistful. He tugs on it at the same time that he bites down on my lip, and the sound that escapes me is embarrassing and desperate.

I jerk back, and Simon frowns.

“Sorry. Did I hurt you?” He asks.

“No. Not at all. I just—.” Shit, I’m panting and all I can think about is him doing that while his cock is inside of me. “I want you to fuck me.”

Simon’s eyes go wide briefly, then he smiles mischievously and nods. “Yes. Let’s do that.”

“In my bed,” I add, wondering for a moment if that’s too much.

He nods again, and I move my hands back to his hips, tugging on them so that he starts following me to my room, even as we continue to kiss and grope each other.

When we finally get to my room, I shove him up against the door jamb and tug at the hem of his shirt.

“Take this off,” I command, and I’m surprised when he quickly obeys and clumsily yanks it over his head, getting stuck in it for a moment before he manages to get it off and drop it to the floor.

He hesitates for just a moment, like he isn’t sure what to do, before he starts working on my shirt, beginning the tedious work of undoing all of the buttons, and not wanting to miss out, I get to work on his flies, pulling the button from the hole and slowing pushing down the zip, my fingers grazing over his clothed cock.

I undo my own jeans then, and Simon’s hands meet mine as he undoes the last button of my shirt.

He’s staring at my chest, and I shift uncomfortably under his heated gaze, chewing my bottom lip as I worry about what he’s thinking.

But then his expression shifts slightly, and he runs his hands up my chest, his fingers grazing over my alert nipples, causing me to suppress a moan.

Things move quickly from there as we rush to remove our own clothes and each other’s, tripping out of our shoes as we move into my bedroom and over to the bed.

Simon pushes me down on it, and I scoot back until I’m lying against the pillows. I have released my need to have control now, letting him do what he wants, content to enjoy whatever it is that he will give me.

He crawls up the bed until he is hovering over me and kisses me in a way that he hasn’t until now, drawing a low moan from me as I try to pull his body down against mine.

Finally, he lets me pull him down against me, but then he stops kissing me, causing me to whine in a way that I am way past caring about at this point.

He leaves light kisses in a trail away from my mouth and down my jaw until he reaches my neck where he starts licking and biting at it with a wild fervor.

My hands are on his back, my fingers digging into his skin as I try to keep myself from grinding my hips up into his.

I’ve imagined being in bed with Simon like this a thousand times, but I never thought that it would feel this good. I never thought that I would actually get him here either.

I’m so fucking lucky.

With a brutal bite to the side of my neck that has me moaning loudly, Simon finally releases my skin and starts moving downward, kissing and licking and biting his way down my chest, over my hips, and down to my thighs where he leaves lighter bites, scraping his teeth gingerly over the sensitive skin of my inner thigh.

I feel his hot breath on my cock, and I am so sure that he is going to take me into his mouth when he growls out a command: “Roll over.”

I’m so turned on that I do as he says without question, pushing myself up on my hands and knees, revealing my arse to him.

For a moment, he doesn’t do anything, so I turn to look at him and find him staring reverently at my arse, which leaves me blushing when his hands finally grips my cheeks, pulling them carefully apart to reveal my hole.

He runs one of his fingers around the rim slowly, teasing me, and he chuckles quietly when I press back into him, searching for more.

He does the opposite of what I want though, pulling his finger away. I am just about to berate him for being a damned tease when I feel something warm and wet take its place a moment later.

Simon is licking me there, running his tongue around my rim and just barely pressing the tip of it into my opening.

He slowly works me open with his tongue before he is able to push it all the way inside, and then he _sucks_ , making these delightfully filthy noises, and fuck, I don’t think I can take this much longer. I’m not going to last.

My arms are shaking where they are holding me up, and my entire body is thrumming with a need for more. I need his cock inside of me. _Now_.

“Here,” I grunt, stretching to reach into the drawer of my nightstand to pull out a bottle of lube and a condom, thrusting them in his direction. “Fuck me,” I practically beg as he takes them from me.

I’m not above that. Begging. I would do anything to finally have Simon’s cock inside of me, filling me up.

He proceeds to open me up with his fingers, quickly but carefully until I hiss at him to fuck me already.

“Turn over,” he says, and it’s less of a command and more of a request this time, like there is any chance of me saying no.

Carefully maneuvering around him, I turn over so that he’s now resting between my legs.

I like this better. I like being able to see his expression and that small smile that he’s wearing as his eyes wander over my body.

He lines up his cock at my entrance and leans forward to kiss me as he presses into me. He slowly pushes past the ring of muscle there, carefully pushing his cock into me as his tongue presses into my mouth.

He continues to kiss me, distracting me from the stretching of my hole as he moves in and out carefully, pushing in deeper with each thrust, until he is fully seated inside of me.

We both groan, and he pauses his movements giving me a chance to adjust to his cock as I comb my fingers through his hair reverently.

It isn’t long before I am asking him to start fucking me.

He’s so careful as he thrusts into me, but I don’t want careful. I want more than that.

Wrapping my legs around him and digging my heels into his back, I pull him in deeper, choking out the word “harder” at the same time that he hits that spot deep within me.

He picks up his pace, fucking me deeper, harder, and I don’t think anything has ever felt this good.

One of my hands is fisting my sheets, and I use the other to grab a handful of his curls and pull him down into a sloppy kiss, moaning as his tongue wraps around mine.

This is where I’ve always wanted him. On top of me, around me, inside me.

Simon slips one of his hands between our bodies and starts pulling me off in time with his thrusts, bringing me closer and closer to the edge. His other hand tangles in my hair, pulling at it roughly, and I see stars.

It becomes difficult to kiss like this, so we stop, but it gives me the opportunity to stare up at Simon’s face.

His disastrous curls have fallen into his face and I reach up to push them out of the way, letting my hand linger there on the side of his face.

He smiles crookedly down at me, one side of his mouth lifting up and a soft look in his eyes.

I would let Simon Snow take me apart and put me back together a million times if it meant having him look at me like that.

I close my eyes against that onslaught of emotions that I’m feeling in this moment and just let myself feel the way his hand grips my cock, twisting slightly at the top, and the way his own cock pounds into me, hitting my prostate regularly.

It isn’t long before I hit my climax. It only takes one well-timed thrust, and the sound of Simon groaning my name in my ear as he comes inside me for me to crash over the edge with him, my come covering both of us.

When we’re both spent, Simon pulls out and collapses on the bed beside me.

I blame it on the fact that he just gave me one of the best orgasms I’ve ever had, but I find myself wanting to ask him to stay the night.

It doesn’t have to mean anything. It’s just that it’s getting late, and my bed is warm.

It only takes me a minute to quickly discard that idea.

If I let him stay the night, I will never want to let him leave. I would let him fuck me until my feelings came spewing out all over the place, ruining this unsteady friendship that we have.

He has to go, and we never have to talk about tonight.

“I should get going,” he says after a few minutes, saving me from having to kick him out of my bed.

“Right,” I agree, glancing over at him.

He looks hot like that, stretched out on my bed, covered in my drying come.

I force myself to look up at his face before I can suggest that we go another round, but then I have to force myself to look away from his gleaming eyes and soft smile because I’m weak and would give in if he even touched me right now.

“Let me show you where the bathroom is so that you can clean up a bit before you go.”

“Thanks.”

I slide off the bed and retrieve my underwear from the floor, slipping them on over my arse, which is dripping with lube.

I turn and watch Simon picking up his clothes, pretending like I’m _not_ staring at his arse when he bends over.

I walk him to the bathroom and show him where the towels are in the cabinet, grabbing one for myself so that I can clean myself up while he’s in the bathroom.

I need a shower, but I’m going to wait until he leaves.

After I wipe away most of the come from my chest, I gather up the rest of my clothes and place them in my hamper, wondering if it’s worth the hassle of getting dressed just so that I’m not still half-naked when he returns.

I decide that it’s not. He did just see me naked after all.

I start to grow nervous again as I wait for him, but luckily, I don’t have to wait long before he is standing in my doorway, hair a mess and clothes rumpled.

I want to stride over and kiss him, but I hold myself back.

“Good night,” I say, and he nods before turning away from me without a word.

I wait until I hear the door close behind him before I turn back to my bed and begin pulling the covers from it. I can’t sleep on those sheets, smelling his scent there and reliving everything that we just did. It would ruin me.

I can already feel a deep ache in my chest, knowing that this is it. This was all I will ever get with him. Just one night of really great sex.

I pull the fitted sheet forcefully off the mattress before I hear a noise behind me and someone clearing their throat.

 _Shit_. Simon is still here.

I turn around quickly, confused. I thought he left.

A part of me believes – hopes – that he came back for me, to tell me that he doesn’t want to go, but that thought is entirely foolish, and I’m angry at myself for even considering it.

Even if he was coming back here for me, it would just be for sex.

“What are you still doing here?” I ask, letting some of that anger seep into my tone.

“It’s snowing,” he says, pointing out the obvious. It has been snowing all day.

“It was snowing when you drove here,” I say.

“No, I mean, it’s snowing a lot. My car is buried under a foot of snow.”

“No,” I breathe. That can’t be. He can’t stay here.

I hurry across the room, pushing past him as I make my way to the door to see for myself.

The cold air makes me shiver, and I cross my arms over my chest to try to keep myself warm. Simon was telling the truth.

I feel him step up beside me and turn to glare at him, as if he was the one who made it snow.

“I need you to leave,” I murmur, more to myself than to him.

“How? Do you want me to grab a shovel and start digging my way home?”

“Could you?” I ask, mostly joking.

He growls, and damn, that should not be sexy.

Luckily, he turns away from me and doesn’t see the blush on my cheeks or the way my cock jerks to attention, attempting to get hard again.

I curse under my breath and close the door.

“It looks like I’m stuck here for the night.”

“You’re sleeping on the couch,” I tell him. I can’t have him in my bed again. I’d never get any sleep with him there.

“Seriously?” He asks, turning on me, and I can see him thinking about how we were just naked. But that is precisely why he has to sleep out here.

“I don’t usually let one-night stands stay the night,” I say matter-of-factly. Although, the truth is that I don’t usually have one-night stands. “Since it doesn’t seem like I have a choice, though, you can sleep on the couch.”

“Fine.” He obviously isn’t happy, but there is nothing I can do about that.

I wish I could go back to ten minutes ago when we were both happy and sated, and my biggest issue was the fact that I had just let the guy I was hopelessly in love with fuck me. But I can’t, and now I’m stuck here having to deal with the aftermath of that.

I pull a pillow and some blankets from my hall closet and help him make out a bed on the couch before giving him some of my old clothes to change into.

I can barely look at him without imagining him naked and on top of me, so I don’t even say goodnight before I shut myself in the room.

I finish pulling the blankets from my bed, tossing them on top of my hamper before grabbing some clean sheets from my closet. I quickly make my bed then get some clean pyjamas so that I can shower.

When I step out into the hall, the light is off in the living room. It looks like Simon has already gone to bed.

Maybe this isn’t the worst thing in the world.

The snow will stop in the morning, and Simon will be able to leave. It won’t be that bad, and I will barely even notice he’s here.


	2. Cocks for Breakfast

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you @wo2ash for beta-reading and for encouraging me to share the chapter title with everyone!

**Baz**

It turns out that sleeping with Simon in the other room isn’t as easy as I thought it would be. I don’t know why I thought I could just forget about his presence in my flat when every time that I close my eyes I remember the way that he looked on top of me and can still feel his hands exploring my body and his teeth grazing my skin.

I was hoping that the shower would help, that it would help wash away the memory of his touch, but when I look in the mirror, the evidence of everything that we just did is all over my body, a clear reminder of it all.

There is a dark purple mark on the place where Simon spent a long time biting and sucking on my neck and smaller marks dotting my chest, creating a trail down over my hip, leading to my inner thighs.

I’m sure there are similar marks on my back and shoulders, but I decided not to check.

I took a long, hot shower, but no matter how hard I scrubbed, I couldn’t forget the way that his breath felt against my ear, the way his tongue felt in my mouth, the way his moans sent shivers down my spine.

I am so screwed.

I don’t look at myself in the mirror again when I exit the shower, opting for towel drying my hair in my room while I find sweatpants and a long-sleeved shirt to change into.

It’s freezing in my flat, so after bumping up the heat, I head into the kitchen to make some tea to hopefully warm me up.

It’s not likely that I will be getting any sleep tonight, and I need something to distract me, so I might as well make some tea to distract myself from the gorgeous guy in the other room.

I try to be quiet so as not to wake up Simon and quickly head back to my room. I’ll just read until I’m too tired to keep my eyes open and that will help keep my mind off of him.

Unfortunately, I remember that I left my book in the living room, and there is no way that I can sneak out there to grab it. There’s no telling what stupid thing I might do if I find that Simon is still awake.

I end up grabbing one of the books that I’m reading for a class and try focusing on that. I open up to the reading that I’m supposed to finish for Monday. It’s actually an interesting story, but my mind keeps drifting to bronze hair and blue eyes.

It does the trick, though, lulling me to sleep, and the next thing I know, it’s early the next morning.

I would be content to stay in bed all day, locked in my room and safe from Simon’s knowing eyes that have seen far too much, but I’m starved.

I tiptoe out of my room, hurrying past the living room and into the kitchen to look for something to make for breakfast. I don’t usually eat breakfast because I would rather sleep in, but I don’t usually wake up feeling this famished either, so today, I’m making an exception.

I find some eggs and bread and decide that I might as well make some for Simon, too. (It’s the polite thing to do, right?)

I beat some eggs in a bowl with some milk and pull a pan out of one of the lower cabinets. I put some coffee on to brew before I pour the eggs into the buttered pan.

“What are you doing?” A sleepy voice asks, and I tense at the sudden heat behind me. I didn’t hear him come in.

“Making breakfast,” I say tersely. “What does it look like?”

“You hate breakfast,” Simon says, and I wonder how he knows that.

“Yeah, but you don’t.”

“One night together and you’re cooking for me? How sweet.” I can hear the smile in his voice, and it is somehow irritating and arousing at the same time.

“It doesn’t mean anything,” I murmur when I feel Simon move closer, and I’m not sure if I’m talking about the food or our time together.

“Hmm.” Simon hums as he places a hand on my hip, and I tighten my grip on the spatula in my hand when I feel him push my hair aside to begin sucking on my neck, making a new mark.

“Wh-what are you doing?” I gasp, but I find myself leaning back into him and tilting my head to the side to give him better access.

“Having breakfast.”

“I’m making eggs,” I say, amazed at how normal my voice manages to sound.

“But I found something better,” he says before tugging my earlobe between his teeth.

“Damn it,” I murmur to myself, swallowing a moan.

I quickly flip off the burner and set down the spatula before spinning around to kiss him, sliding my hands into his hair and tangling them there.

I let him pull me away from the stove before turning us and pushing me against the counter.

I should put a stop to this, push him away, but then, I feel his tongue against mine, and it becomes hard to focus on anything except the taste of him.

But this doesn’t mean anything, I remind myself as one of Simon’s hands slides into my hair while the other travels farther south, slipping beneath the waistband of my pants with very little hesitation.

_This doesn’t mean anything_ , I think as Simon wraps his hand around my cock, stroking it slowly.

_This doesn’t mean anything_ , I repeat as Simon bites down on my lower lip and tugs, drawing a low groan from deep in my chest.

_This doesn’t mean anything_ , I think once more as Simon slides down to his knees.

He tugs my pyjama bottoms down but leaves my pants on, leaning forward to mouth at the head of my cock through the material.

He starts mouthing and licking at sucking at my cock through my pants, bringing his hands up to grip the backs of my thighs. He keeps making these moaning sounds, like he is thoroughly enjoying himself, and it’s driving me crazy.

He continues to lave at my cock until my pants are soaked with a mixture of precome and saliva.

I can feel myself moving closer to the edge, but this isn’t enough. I want to feel the warmth of his mouth around my cock.

“Fuck,” I breathe. “Suck me already.”

He grins up at me as he slowly drags my pants down, pushing them down around my ankles, Then, he finally, _finally,_ takes the head of my cock into his mouth, swirling his tongue around it and swiping it through the slit.

I grip the edge of the countertop behind me, trying to keep myself from thrusting my cock down his throat.

He slowly takes me into his mouth, inch by inch, until his nose is buried in my groin. He pulls back slowly and starts up a steady rhythm. His teeth graze the underside of my cock, and I hiss, one of my hands flying down to grip his hair.

Fuck, he’s good at this.

He pulls off suddenly, and I swear I’m going to kill him.

It takes me a moment to open my eyes, and before I can snap at him to get on with it, he squeezes the back of my thighs and says, “I want you to fuck my mouth.”

“A-are you sure?” I choke.

“ _Yes_.”

He takes me back into his mouth, hollowing his cheeks and letting me set the pace. I take a deep breath, disbelieving that this is actually happening.

I start out slow, worried that I’ll hurt him, but then he pulls on my leg, forcing my cock deeper down his throat and I take that as a sign to go faster.

One hand gripping the counter and the other gripping a fistful of his hair, I start fucking his mouth more feverishly until I’m on the edge of orgasm.

“I-I’m gonna come,” I gasp, and Simon sucks hard on my cock, swallowing around it.

A few thrusts later, I come down the back of his throat with a grunt, and he doesn’t pull off until he has swallowed every last drop of my come.

My hold on his hair relaxes, and if I wasn’t leaning against the counter, I think I might have collapsed to the floor.

In less than 12 hours, Simon has made me come harder than I ever have before.

There is no way that things will ever be the same after this.

It takes me a moment to regain my senses, and when I look down at Simon, he’s fisting himself, bringing himself off at my feet.

Roughly, I drag him to his feet and flip us so that he is now the one pressed against the counter. I kiss him briefly, tasting myself on his lips, before I drop to my knees in front of him, batting his hand out of the way.

This doesn’t mean anything either. I’m just returning the favor. It’s quid pro quo or whatever, right? Simply the polite thing to do, nothing more.

***

I have trouble meeting Simon’s eyes over breakfast, which is ridiculous considering everything that we’ve done.

Making eye contact somehow seems more intimate than any of that other stuff, though.

Meeting his eyes means that he’s really here, and it would feel like he could see through me and read the truth that is written across my heart. If I meet his eyes, I fear I might melt at the softness in his gaze or break apart at the coldness instead.

I don’t know what any of this means to him – nothing, probably – and I’d rather be ignorant to his feelings than get hurt by the truth, so I keep my eyes down until we finish eating.

Once we’ve cleaned everything up in the kitchen, I tell Simon that he can take a shower if he wants. Really, I just need a break from him for a bit. And perhaps a nap.

Being around Simon is as exhausting as it is exhilarating. I can only imagine what it would be like if we were in a relationship together. I would never get anything done.

It’s not like I’m getting anything done now anyway because all I can think about is his hands and mouth all over my body.

I had planned on using this weekend to study for a big test that I have coming up, but that’s going to be impossible with Simon here.

Not that I’m complaining. I like what we’re doing, and it is so much better than ignoring him.

I just hope I can survive this weekend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading! :)


	3. Baz Goes for a Ride

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone stop me before I give each of these chapters a terrible title.
> 
> @wo2ash said that she would like to see Simon’s thoughts in this fic, and that made me really stop and think, so much so that I couldn’t post this chapter or continue writing the fic without really thinking it through. A part of me just didn’t want to bother with his pov, but then I started thinking about how much this fic could benefit from it, even if it’s just a small portion of it. Anyway, I decided that I would start adding in pieces of his pov, so that’s why it took me so long to update this fic.
> 
> Also, a big thank you to Ash for beta-reading this for me <3

**Baz**

After what happened in the kitchen this morning, I spend most of the day trying to avoid Simon. Which proves to be rather difficult because my apartment isn’t all that big, and he still can’t leave because the snow hasn’t let up.

I retrieved my book while he was in the shower, but the thought of leaving him alone in my living room doesn’t seem good. It isn’t that I don’t trust him. It just feels weird leaving him unsupervised in my house when he has been here for less than a day.

If I could kick him out, I would, but leaving him out in the cold during this snowstorm would ensure that things would never go back to normal between us. He would hate me, and rightfully so.

I can’t leave him alone, but I also can’t go sit in the living room with him. Because I’m weak. Because anytime I get near him, my body aches to be touched by him, and just like in the kitchen, I know that I will give in to him without a fight.

It would be fine to do that if my heart wasn’t yearning for something more. If I didn’t want this to mean something more.

This is why I spend the day hovering between my room and the kitchen so that I can keep an eye on him without having to get too close to him.

I know that he has to notice that I’m avoiding him, but he doesn’t say anything. He just sits there on my couch looking gorgeous as all fuck.

For the most part, he’s just been watching tv and texting someone on his phone. (Probably someone he actually has feelings for. Someone who he would much rather be stuck with right now.)

I watch him quietly from the hall, and he pretends not to see me there. It isn’t until dinner that I’m forced to talk to him again.

I gather things for sandwiches, and we eat in silence.

I refuse to be the one who breaks it. Who knows what I would say? _Fuck me_ , seems the most likely and worst option, so I keep my focus on my food until Simon gives in, just as we start to clean up.

“Looks like I’m stuck here another night,” he says, staring out the kitchen window. Not that much can be seen right now since it’s so dark out.

“Right. Do you have enough blankets? If not, I can get you more.”

I’m trying hard not to look at him, but from the corner of my eye, I can see him stretching, and damn, I want to run my fingers along that stretch of skin that is revealed when his shirt lifts.

“Actually, I have a better idea. A much more fun way of getting warm.”

“What are you–?” But I don’t get a chance to finish my question because he has already slipped around the counter that was separating us and has started kissing me.

I moan involuntarily as his tongue presses its way into my mouth. He has one hand in my hair, tugging it to tilt my head the way he wants it, and I don’t even try to put up a fight.

No matter what I say to him, I want this. I want all of this.

But not here.

“Bedroom,” I gasp once I’ve managed to wrench my mouth away from his.

It seems to take him a moment to fully understand my request, his eyes wild and lust-blown already, but then he’s moving with me to my room, stopping every once in a while to shove me up against a wall to kiss me and remove an article of clothing from one of us until we finally reach my bed, both of us completely naked.

I take charge then, pushing him down onto my bed and following after him, admiring the way he looks on my bed, like he belongs there.

I take a moment to stare at him, to map out all of the freckles and moles that dot his body before diving down to kiss the one on his neck that I’ve been staring at for months and dreaming about kissing

He tilts his head back, and I drag my lips up to his ear, kissing him behind it and smiling at the hitch in his breathing as his hands reach for me, clasping onto my hips as I continue to kiss down his neck and over his collar, down to his chest.

I lick and suck at his nipples until they harden under my touch, then I bite down on them lightly before moving back up to kiss Simon again, kissing him as I reach over for a condom and the bottle of lube that I left out on the nightstand.

I blindly pour some over my fingers, getting them nice and slick before reaching behind myself.

I gasp at the first touch of my finger at my hole, pulling out of the kiss. Simon follows my arm with his eyes, and I can tell the moment that he realizes what I’m doing because his eyes widen and he gasps quietly.

I tease myself with a finger running it around my rim slowly before I press at my hole, feeling it stretch around my finger.

I meet Simon’s eyes as I slowly press my finger all the way in, and I moan at the feel of it. Then, he kisses me again, and it’s a distraction from the slight burn as I move my finger in and out before adding a second finger, moving them in and out slowly until I’m stretched enough to take both of them.

I slowly work myself open until I’ve got three fingers deep inside me, and I’m panting, desperate for more. Biting back a moan, I drag my fingers from my hole before grabbing the condom and slowly roll it down over Simon’s cock, smiling at the moan he doesn’t quite hide as my hands rubs over his until-now untouched cock.

I give his cock a few good strokes, slicking it up, before lining it up with my hole.

I press down until just the tip of his cock is inside of me, stretching my hole. I take a moment to catch my breath before I slide all the way down, loving the burn as I stretch around his cock to accommodate his girth.

We both sigh as I’m fully seated, and Simon reaches up to pull me into a desperate kiss, his tongue exploring my mouth with a wild rigorousness. I moan at the pleasurable onslaught and give as good as I get, pressing my tongue deeper into his mouth.

When we finally break apart, I begin to move. Placing my hands on his chest, I slowly lift up off of his cock until just the tip is inside of me before I press back down quickly.

I continue to do this, slowly picking up pace until I’ve got a good rhythm going.

Simon starts to meet me, thrusting up as I press down, and it feels so good. My fingernails scratch at his chest as I scrabble for purchase as we work faster to move together.

After a while, my legs grow unsteady, and with barely a moment’s notice, Simon flips us so that I’m on my back, my legs wrapped around us. He grins down at me before he starts pounding into me with abandon.

I have to close my eyes against the look in his eyes, against the want and, I want to say, adoration, but I know better. This is all just fun for him. It doesn’t mean anything.

His hand is quick over my cock, bringing me closer and closer to the edge. It’s when he hits that spot inside of me and twists his hand while he wanks me that I come hard between us.

The world goes dark for a moment, and when I come to, Simon has slipped out of me and collapsed against my chest, spent and tired.

Allowing myself to pretend for just a moment that this is real, I rub my hand up and down his back and press my face into his curls, inhaling. He smells like a mix of my shampoo and something unnameable, something that is so utterly him.

It’s perfect.

We lie like that for countless minutes until I finally move out of the bed and down the hall to clean myself off and grab a wet cloth to use to clean Simon up.

When I return to my room, Simon is lying on his back, his eyes still closed and a soft smile playing on his lips. I stop for a moment to watch him, imagining what it would be like to see him like this every night, tired and sated and happy, and in my bed.

I shake that thought away and cross the room to wipe my drying come from his chest.

“I can do that,” he murmurs, peering up at me.

I shake my head. “It’s fine. I’ve got it.”

When I’m finished, he pulls me into a kiss that is somehow deeper and softer than the others we’ve shared. I sigh into his mouth and let my eyes flutter shut, letting myself enjoy the feel of his lips against mine.

It’s hard to remember that this doesn’t mean anything when he’s kissing me like this, kissing me just to kiss me. Just because he wants to.

I let the cloth slip from my hand and drop to the floor before Simon pulls me back onto the bed beside him.

I feel safe in his arms. I feel like this is where I was always supposed to be, with him.

The feelings that I have been trying to suppress wash through me, making my heart ache with how much I want him. Not just physically. I want every part of him.

But I can’t have that, which I have to keep reminding myself of as he pulls me closer and wraps his arms carefully around me, like he never wants to let me go but also like he’s trying to be gentle with me.

I can feel myself falling harder for him, but I force the feelings back again, locking them away. I know that I will have to deal with them at some point, but not now. Right now, I just want to enjoy being with Simon without feelings getting in the way and ruining this.

We continue to kiss until we’re both so tired that our lips are barely moving. I pull away and meet his eyes that start to droop shut just as soon as he opens them.

He smiles sweetly at me, and I can’t help it. I smile back.

Once again, I have found myself in bed with Simon, completely naked and feeling better than I have ever felt before.

I should be happy, but I’m worried about what will happen when the snow begins to melt and we have to face the harsh light of reality.

This is just fun for him, and we’ll have to go back to our real lives. Lives that we live mostly apart. These couple of days we spent snowed in together will be all we ever have, and the more of myself that I give away, the more that I will hurt when it is all over.

Still, when he starts to pull away and makes like he’s about to slip out of my bed, I find myself saying, “You could stay.”

“Are you sure?” He asks a little warily, and it makes me feel warm inside to know that he cares about what I want.

“You were right. It’s warmer here. Together,” I add quietly.

“Okay,” he says softly, then he wraps an arm around me and pulls my back up against his chest. I pull the covers up over the both of us and let my eyes fall shut, lulled to sleep by the sound of his breathing in my ear.

_This doesn’t mean anything,_ I tell myself as I fall asleep in Simon’s arms.

**Simon**

It isn’t until I'm lying in Baz's bed, his back pressed to my chest and our legs entangled, that I allow myself to really think about what's happening between us, that I allow myself to think about what this means to me.

I like him. I really like him. I have for a while now, but I wasn’t able to tell him. And what we’re doing now – it isn’t enough for me.

I want all of him, and that’s what I have been working on trying to tell him for months now. He really threw a wrench in my plans when he invited me over last night. He made it perfectly clear that he was just in it for a good time, but I came anyway because despite my feelings, I will take whatever I can get with him.

It might have been okay if we hadn’t gotten snowed-in, but the deeper in we get here, the harder it will be to dig ourselves out and get back to where we were.

I’ve been planning on asking him out for so long now. I was just waiting for the right time. I wanted to get to know him a little better first and see if he felt the same way.

I have been intentionally running into him in various places on campus just so I could see him. I’ve been sitting closer to him in class and going to the union when I knew he would be there. It was always nice when he walked in the coffee shop because it made me wonder if he came there for me. (I know he didn't.)

When he asked me over to his place, of course I said yes. What other answer was there?

I just didn't expect us to get stuck here together.

It hasn’t been all bad, but it hasn't been all good either.

I mean, yes, the getting off together is spectacular, but the rest of it makes me feel awful and unwanted. If I could, I would dig my way out of here just to get away from that look he gives me when he thinks I don’t see. The one that clearly says he doesn’t want me here.

He can't even look at me. All he can see me as now is an easy fuck. (It’s only with Baz that I'm easy. I would literally bend over backward to hear those noises that he makes when I'm inside of him.)

I know that I don't mean anything to him, and he seems to try to find every opportunity to remind me of that.

This morning, for instance, while I was sucking him off in his kitchen, he questing repeating it over and over like some stupid fucking mantra - _it doesn't mean anything_ \- as if I needed reminding that I was the only one here with feelings.

And after that, he ignored me for the rest of the day, pacing back and forth in the hallway just to make sure I didn't mess with his stuff or break anything.

The only time he sees me as worth his time is when I'm giving him an orgasm. Which I am happy to supply, but it still hurts to know that that’s all he wants me for.

Usually, I'm not so forward when it comes to sex, but with Baz, it’s a whole other story. Every time I see him, I melt, and I know that I need to have him in any way that he'll let me. So, I keep suggesting different ways to please him even though it hurts.

I can deal with my feelings later, whenever I get to finally go home. It’s so hard to think, when he’s right there, gorgeous as fuck, driving me absolutely mad with want.

I just have to make it through this snowstorm so that I can figure out what to do next.

I only hope that this time together doesn’t totally screw things up between us.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! :)

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> I will be updating this as I write it, so it might be a bit before the next chapter is up.
> 
> Come find me on [Tumblr](https://angelsfalling16.tumblr.com/)


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